Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
