is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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