we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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