I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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