Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
