she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
