I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
