Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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