you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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