I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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