Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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