I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
