The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
NoShamevember. You game?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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