I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
