all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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