Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
