Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
