If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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