i don't like sucking hair
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
