Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
