It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
