You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
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It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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