Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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