Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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