is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
