we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
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when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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