Don't make out with my wife yet
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
