Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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