upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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