The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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