i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
