Pants 0. Shit 1.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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