I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
