it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
