Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
