You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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