well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
