my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
