2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
