She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
