so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
