I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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