There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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