she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
