# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
