dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
