the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
