I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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