True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this boner is exhausting
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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