everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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