I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
