just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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