and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
