The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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