i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
