I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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