You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
