just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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