i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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