my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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