For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you made out with another girl for some wings
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
