A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
