Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
