my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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