I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
