they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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