I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
