Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
