i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Boobs speak an international language.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
