why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
