We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
