Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
