Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
